Gimme, Gimme, Gimme! I don’t care about a tea party! I want a DONUT PARTY!

Lately, whenever my master has friends over they usually end up arguing about something called the “Tea Party”. I don’t see what could possibly taste good at a tea party. I would rather have a DONUT PARTY!

Picture this – my friends and I would hunch down on the living room floor, a big box of assorted doughnuts spread out before us. Oh Yum! That’s something to look forward to. First I’d chow down on an crispy apple fritter. Boy I love those. My friend Buster, a Chocolate Lab, favors the glazed raspberry filled doughnuts, and Jake, the rabble-rousing mutt among us, will eat only glazed crullers. All those are good, I admit, but why should I deprive myself of my other favorites and eat the same kind every time? I love a tasty glazed doughnut, but my very, very favorite is New York Cheesecake. I’ve never been to New York, wherever that is, but if they make doughnuts like this – whoopee – send me there!

Oh, and Butch, the English bulldog – he’s into the powdered cake doughnuts. It’s funny to see him eat one and his nose turn white from the powdered sugar. He gets upset when we make fun of him.

We sometimes have to walk ahead of Butch unless he’s had his daily dose of Winston’s Digest All. Butch suffers from a little indelicate problem, shall we say? He gets bloated and gassy and the flatulence – well I don’t have to tell you about that! Winston’s Digest All helps him keep his weight down and handles his digestive problems that skunk up the works at times.

Last time our masters took Butch and me for a walk they decided to stop and have coffee and doughnuts at the nearest donut shop. The big sign was blinking and Butch’s master said something about ‘Let’s get one – they’re hot right now’. He was obviously talking about Butch and me so the two of us started panting and put on the longest faces you could imagine (not easy for my squat-faced friend, Butch) and my master said, “Why don’t we get the dogs a doughnut too?” Well, about time! Butch and I were drooling so much the sidewalk looked like it had just rained.

After devouring a big glazed doughnut that suited my taste buds oh so well, I tried coyly begging for a second doughnut, hoping for the New York Cheesecake this time. I nearly wagged my tail right off! But our masters ignored our plaintive begging. They just sat there, munching away on their doughnuts and drinking their coffee like a doughnut was supposed to last all day.

Listen, all you dogs out there – you need to stand up for your rights and next time your master starts talking about a “tea party”, or any kind of party (especially a ‘tailgate’ party whatever that is), whine, bark, run around in circles – do whatever you have to do to get your human to buy you a doughnut – or two. Extras can be sent to me. I don’t mind if they’re a day or two old. After all, a treat is a treat and the yummier the better.